Poems to my Child before I'm a Mother

You don't know how lucky you are

You don't know how lucky you are

My baby, my child

You don’t know how lucky you are

That clothes wait for you, clean and ready

That there is a home outside the warm womb

With warmth and protection of its own

You don’t know how lucky you are

That your parents are not wanderers, lost and alone

That there is community and home, love waiting for you

That bombs are not falling as you grow tendons and bones

That your mum has food to eat and water to drink

So you can keep growing and knowing 

You are safe

You don’t know how lucky you are

That there is no need for us to escape

That there is no fear of war drafts for your father

or rape for your mother

You don’t know how lucky you are

That we are safe to grow you and know you

To hold you and have you

Clothe you, feed you, breathe in air that’s not filled with riots and gases

You don’t know how lucky you are

I have the will...

I have the will to be your mother

Yes, I have the will to give myself to you, to know you

I have the will to show you the world in all its beauty, wisdom and wonder

But I don’t know if my will is enough yet to fit me wholly for you

And surely you deserve to be fitted wholly 

There is no other way for me to fit you, as you grow

Surely you will stretch my will, bending it as we bond together

You are a whole person, demanding, deserving all that I can give you

After all, you are here by our invitation

And now, there is no other way for you to come

But in me and through me

I am already wholly yours, answering to your call,

Believing there is space for you and me to grow together 

After all, there is you and all that you will bring

All that you will show me

All the wisdom and wonder I had never thought to see

Surely you will make up the gaps in my will

I rely on you to play your part to fill

The cracks where I doubt 

Or I fear that I am losing myself to another

Losing myself

Losing my life

Another said, that’s the only way to gain

I will and you will

Our wills together meeting in a myriad of mistakes and mishaps

And glory

I am your mother

You are my child

Nothing will ever change that, now that it has been.