A while ago I heard a young woman express concern over hearing her mother recite the words in the Roman Catholic Mass before receiving the Eucharist;
“I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall be healed.”
She feared that it wasn’t good for anyone to be saying “I am not worthy” on a regular basis.
I can understand where she was coming from, but it frustrated me that she seemed to be misunderstanding words that were being said in a specific context of a ritual. It frustrated me more that I didn’t have a ready baked response to flow out from my mouth in cohesive language. So, I stayed silent.
Months later, I’m only at the tip of the iceberg when it comes to thinking this through, but here is my response-in-progress to this young woman’s fear.
It is my impression that her comment arose from a misconception that Christianity requires one to lose all self-esteem and that this breeds a low or negative view of self which is in turn detrimental to the health of the self. I have recently come across a book by a Christian author that perpetuates this notion that self-esteem is a dirty word amongst Christians. I do balk at the cult of self-worship, leading to the delusion of self-perfection and self-salvation, in our world today. But I felt a fiery opposition within me towards this author’s conclusions that a Christian sense of self equated to an annihilation of self. Bear with me here.
I write in light of the presumption that God is who He is. The very presumption of God immediately means that God exists in and of Himself and that we exist in relationship to God. We did not think up God, God thought up us.
I am not worthy does not mean I am worthless. God by His very nature is not worthless and so if we are made in His Image then we are not worthless. A few really important verses in the Bible come to my mind when understanding self-image and self-esteem in the radiant, truth-light of Jesus...
Genesis 1 verse 27
“So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”
in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”
and…
Psalm 139 verse 14
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
As well as,
Romans 3 verses 23+24
“Everyone has sinned and is far away from God's saving presence. But by the free gift of God's grace all are put right with him through Christ Jesus, who sets them free.”
And…
Romans 8 verses 1+2
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
So...
Saying “I am not worthy” in this context is not, and should not be, condemnation of self.
Let’s remember the context for which these words of liturgy were designed.
The eucharist. The remembrance of Jesus’ death on the cross.
Romans 3 verses 24-26 set the scene for this:
“But by the free gift of God's grace all are put right with him through Christ Jesus, who sets them free. God offered him, so that by his blood he should become the means by which people's sins are forgiven through their faith in him.”
What makes someone worthy of something? Dictionaries tell me worthiness is about deserving something, being suitable for something.
So who deserves to share the blood and body of Jesus?
The only thing that makes me suitable, or worthy, to share in Jesus' blood is my sin, my totally depraved, self-seeking human nature! Ironic, in the context of this discussion.
Regardless of whether you believe in the eucharist being the actual stuff itself or the symbol reminding us of it, this is the stuff of rather intimate sharing.
Permit me to get graphic for a moment: When are bodies and blood ordinarily shared? Sex, Pregnancy and Birth are three that come to mind. In sexual intercourse we share our body, and sometimes our blood, with another person. In pregnancy a woman allows her body and blood to be shared with her growing child and in birth her body and blood mixes with the child’s body as it enters the world.
These graphic images are the things in life with the power to initiate and build blood related families.
Partaking in the body and blood of Jesus Christ is about acknowledging family ties.
It is about FAMILY! Are you part of the family? Then share with us, God says, welcome in, come and celebrate the means of your inclusion into this Family of God.
But did YOU start this family? Was it your idea to make it open to all?
If I become pregnant and after nine months you come to me and say “I want to give birth to your baby”, I would have to say, “No, you are not worthy.”
Like a car that is not roadworthy, you are not worthy to give birth to the baby growing inside me. You are just not made for it, there is no way I can move the baby from my womb into yours, without damaging you, me or the baby.
I am not worthy means I am not God.
This is where the ‘but’ is vital… But only say the word and I shall be healed.
In saying this last part we are in essence saying “I am not worthy but I shall be made worthy.”
In his first letter to the church at Corinth Paul writes: “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
“I shall be healed” … “I shall become the righteousness of God”
The ‘I shall’ is important because it shows confidence and belief, not in ourselves but in God to heal. These are the words of a person who is confident in who they are, not down-trodden or lacking self-awareness of self-esteem. “I shall be healed.”
Yes it implies that healing is needed and yes it implies that we are not the ones who control the healing but we do need to allow it and partake in it. It doesn’t negate our presence, power or importance but it shows us our right relationship towards God.
Eugene Peterson’s raw translation of Paul’s letter to the Romans puts if like this:
“Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.” (chapter 3 verses 23+24)
And I suppose that is where the problem remains for the woman whom I know, and for the multitudes of others who see Christianity as a threat to self-esteem and control.
Why would we want someone else to make us worthy if we can put our faith in our ability to make ourselves worthy?
We did not plan, decide or choose for Jesus to be born onto the earth and to be crucified and to rise from the dead. So how are we deserving of taking part in the celebration of this event in History?
‘I am not worthy’ is not to do with value or self-esteem. It is about identity.
To say ‘I am worthy’ in this context is to misunderstand who you are. Paradoxically, it is a denial of true self-worth, because your self-worth is in the fact that you were created in the image of God. To say “I am worthy” in this context is saying “I do not need God”, it is to hate the Image you bear in your very being.
If we are to say in this context, ‘I am worthy’ we are ultimately saying, ‘Jesus, get down off the cross, I’ll get up there myself!’
This is where the problem lies. We really do want to be bigger or at least as big as God. That is why it feels easier, and more natural, to put our faith in the belief that there is nothing greater than ourselves in existence. Then Jesus really does become a stumbling block on our journey to being God.
If we want to be God in this life we have to face up to the reality that sooner or later we are going to get crucified.
“I am not worthy” is a reality check. It releases us to be who we really are, children of God who are loved madly and deeply and who have been adopted, through the blood of Jesus, into an eternal Family.
